88 Why Am I So Bad at Remembering Names? And How to Fix It

Welcome to the Great Leader Great Mom podcast, where we trade in mom guilt and burnout for courage, calm, and a whole lot more joy. I'm your host, Liz Jolly, engineer, turned life coach, mom of three, and founder of the School of Courage. Here we talk about leading at work and at home. Without losing your sanity, your sense of humor, or yourself. If you're ready to drop the guilt and grow your courage, you're in the right place. To kick off 2026, I put together something very special for you. It's a curated list of my favorite podcast and videos on leadership and culture. These are resources I have come back to over and over again. Every time I watch them I take away something new. You can grab it for free at lizjolly. com forward slash leadership dash culture or by tapping the link in the show notes. This is episode 88 and this one is all about when you think you're really bad with names. Today I'm gonna flip this on its head because I was this person before years ago where I told myself, I'm just not good with names. But the reality is, I just had never learned how to do it. I want you to think about the last time someone remembered your name. Like really remembered it. Not just immediately, but weeks later. How did it feel? Most of us secretly love it, right? Like you haven't seen someone in a while and they actually remember you. So that means a lot to us when someone remembers our name. So most of us secretly love it, right? How cool is it when someone remembers your name? But we walk around saying I'm just bad at names and we don't remember people's names. Today I want to gently and playfully challenge your belief. that you're bad at names. Because being a bad at names is not a personality trait. It's not something you're just born with and magically you're really good at. It's a skill that you've never learned and never practiced. So we're gonna change that today. One day it hit me how ridiculous it is to say, Well, I'm just bad at names because imagine me saying, I'm just bad at the piano except I've literally never sat down on a piano bench and tried to play. I've never had a lesson, I've never tried. You'd all laugh at me. And yet it's exactly what we do with names. We decide ahead of time that we're bad at remembering names. And then we never really try, we never practice, we never learn the skills to do it well But again, it means a lot when someone remembers your name. So here's the secrets of how to get good at remembering people's name Number one, it isn't a trick, it really is a decision that you just decide you're done with not being good at names and you're going to be good at learning how to remember people's names Trust me, I know this seems ridiculous, but really, your mindset really matters here. So if you always think I'm just not good at names, you're gonna be bad at names. You're gonna look for all the evidence that that's true. But if you can shift it just a little bit and say, I am learning how to be good at names, you will start to be better. I know it seems ridiculous, but that is step one. Trust me, this is part of the process Step two, we need to practice being uncomfortable. Here's where it gets interesting. If you want to be good at names, you have to be willing to feel uncomfortable. And your brain absolutely hates that, right? Like it's designed to avoid discomfort. That's why when we all get in an elevator together, everybody stares at the door. And nobody actually talks, right? Or there's the one awkward person trying to make eye contact. We all stare at the door in the elevator like something magical's gonna happen. I don't know. And then it's also why you go to meetings and you sit next to the one person you know. Or you go to a luncheon and you find the one familiar face. I know. Yeah, it's easy and it's more comfortable. But what if you were willing to be uncomfortable and put yourself in a place where you might have to learn someone's name and not know someone? You might have to make small talk or try to connect with people. The more you practice it, the better you're gonna get at it. So step two is really simple. Go sit next to someone you don't know. Smile in the hallway. Say good morning in the elevator. Look at people. Ask them how their weekend was. Talk about the weather. It can be super benign. Just pick something not dramatic. Just little tiny steps to practice being uncomfortable. Let me tell you a story. And this really solidified for me this whole name remembering thing when I started to play pickleball. Yeah, I'm gonna tell another pickleball story, sorry. But a year ago I had literally never picked up a racket in my entire life pretty much, other than to do like a week attempt at tennis with my old college roommate and she would always laugh at me because she could play tennis and I couldn't. So I have no racket sport experience and I decide last year I'm gonna start to play pickleball I'm a soccer player growing up, so spoiler alert, that doesn't translate so well. I knew I would be terrible at pickleball. Everything in me wanted to avoid the discomfort of being bad at something. of standing there when nobody wants to play with you because you're like the new person or you don't know what they're talking about or you really don't remember how to keep score because it's pretty confusing. I wanted to hide My brain was like, you should run away. Uh you don't want to be here, especially if you're losing and everybody's like hitting the ball at you because they know you're the wink link in the team. It's pretty uncomfortable But pickleball forces one thing immediately. You have to introduce yourself to your partner. Like that's just common courtesy when you play the sport. And so I went from thinking, I'm not good at names, to you know what? Even if I'm gonna be terrible, I may as well put myself in an uncomfortable position, learn people's names, and practice feeling uncomfortable. Usually what happens when you introduce yourself is 30 seconds later you forget their name and you never say it again. And then maybe if you play like four weeks later, you ask them their name again and say, oops, sorry, I forgot. Totally normal, not bad. But what I decided to do was that I was gonna bring the fun, even though I would be terrible. I was gonna learn how to play where I could, you know, not be the reason why all the points were lost But I was also, more importantly, for this podcast episode, gonna be the person that can remember as many people's names as possible. So This is how I applied all of this to my life and it is revolutionary. Now I'm good with names. I have this down to where if I meet someone, I remember their name weeks later and I'll continue to use it So this is where step three comes in in my science experiment of names playing pickleball. I would one be in a place where I was with people I didn't know. I would exchange names and then here's the secret. I would repeat it to myself immediately in my head, but then I would also say it out loud. So in pickleball it was easy because I could be like, great shot Alexander or Diane. That was so fantastic. I love your serve Even if they had no idea what my name was, I literally didn't care. That wasn't the point. I was practicing at how to be good at names. In a place where you get lots of opportunity to learn so many people's names, that usually just get forgotten. So, step three again, you hear someone's name, you repeat it to yourself immediately, and you say it back to them. So if someone introduces themselves and says, hey, I'm Michael, you say, it is so good to meet you meet you, Michael. Tell me more about you. Repeat it back. And then in your mind, create a silly association. Like Michael's wearing a red shirt and he has brown shoes. Your brain loves these ridiculous details because it really does store it differently and you remember The other thing that I did, which I would totally recommend if you want to do this well, is write it down. I had a note in my phone that would say like pickleball names and I would go through and put in there like I played pickleball with Diane and with Dana and with Michelle and with Taylor and with all these people And I could put some random thing like, they have a really good serve, or they have lime green pickleball shoes, whatever it was. And so when I saw them the next time, I was like, oh yeah, that's such and such with a really good serve and I knew their name. And the coolest part of all this is one year after playing pickleball, I know about 90% of the people that show up there And it's really fun because most people will be like, I don't remember their name. Do you know their name? I'm like, I remember. I totally got it. And still all these people don't know my name and I literally don't care. It doesn't bother me The point is that I was gonna go from being the person who was really bad with names to being the person who knows the names, who says hello and good morning or good evening to every single person. and who greets them and makes them smile. Who knows? Sometimes people have a bad day and you could be the one that says their name and brings a little joy to their life There's something magical about someone who remembers your name. You never know, and why not become the person who's good at this There's nothing more human than learning people's names and using them. So right now, if you think I'm just bad at names, let me just tell you all the reasons why. It's a genetic thing, Liz, really I'm gonna challenge that and say maybe you should actually try my little framework and then try to practice. You're gonna get it wrong. I have totally got it wrong. I called somebody Bill like four weeks and their name was Phil. And I was doing all of these things like using their name every five minutes in a game, which is a little embarrassing when you're saying someone's wrong name. And I will say, if somebody tries to learn your name and they get it wrong Be brave enough to be like, hey, I love it you're trying to remember a name, but it's not Bill, it's Phil, right? Like I so wish he would have corrected me But anyway, it doesn't matter. This is us putting ourselves into an uncomfortable position because I guarantee the more you practice this, the more you can hold space for discomfort, the more you can be absolutely unstoppable when it comes to doing hard things, when it comes to reaching tough goals. Start small. Start with the whole thing about, I'm gonna be really good at names. If you like what you're hearing, I want to invite you to the School of Courage membership. This is where we get together and every week we dig in and learn a topic. This month is all about Building more joy in our lives, not waiting for the world to give it to us, to make us happier, to make us feel better, but to create it. And the first step that we've been digging into is how we outsource this So if you're interested, go to courage doth school of courage dot com and look into the different membership options. We'd love to see you there. These include Focused topics like joy this month with workbooks and videos and then you go into the membership hub and there's a ton of videos on all kinds of topics like how to end overwhelm how to create great relationships, how to build self-confidence. It is a place where you are not alone. You can learn how to create real balance in your life. versus always trying to chase after it. With that everybody, I wish you an amazing week and I'll see you next time.