86 Reclaiming Your Identity Beyond “Mom” and “Leader” Without Abandoning Either

Welcome to the Great Leader Great Mom Podcast, where we trade in Mom Guilt and Burnout for courage, calm, and a whole lot more joy. I'm your host, Liz Jolly, Engineer Turn Life Coach, Mama 3, and founder of the School of Courage. Here we talk about leading at work and at home. Without losing your sanity, your sense of humor, or yourself. If you're ready to drop the guilt and grow your courage, you're in the right place. Welcome to episode 86, and we are going to talk about today reclaiming your identity beyond being a mom and a leader without abandoning either one of them. There's quite a lot of grief I hear from women, and it usually sounds like this. I love my kids, I care about my work. But I don't really know who I am anymore. Not because you've done anything wrong, not because you lack ambition, not because motherhood or leadership took something from you. But because over time your identity narrowed around what you're responsible for, not who you are. And the more capable you are, it's likely the easier this is to happen to you Today we're going to talk about how to reclaim your identity beyond mom and leader without quitting your job, leaving your family, or disappearing for six months to find yourself, quote unquote. This is about coming back to you in small, sustainable ways. Most women don't lose themselves overnight. They lose themselves one obligation at a time. Once a client said to me, if it's not for my kids or work, I feels really selfish or pointless. And that belief quietly shapes everything So what happens is your days end up being filled with managing, leading, caring, anticipating, producing, and slowly your desires disappear. Disappear, not because you don't have these desires, but because everyone else's needs feel more important than yours. And when your identity becomes built around your obligation for everybody, your inner voice gets Quieted, it gets dampened down. Once I asked the client a simple question and I said, what do you enjoy just for you She laughed and paused for a minute, not because it was funny, but because she genuinely didn't know. She said, I'm good at solving problems. I'm good at taking care of people. I'm good at showing up, but enjoyment I don't even know anymore. I forgot what that's like. And that moment wasn't a failure on her part. It was really a revelation, a starting point. Because you don't reclaim your identity by going and looking for answers outside of you. You reclaim it by creating space to hear what's within you. Here's the shift that I teach Stop asking who should I be and start asking who do I want to be? Identity returns through asking yourself this question and playing with answers. Sometimes we learn by knowing who we don't want to be, so maybe that's where you want to start. And separate out who we are from what we do or what we feel like we have to do. I would say 10 minutes a day just to sit down and play with the possibility. What are those desires within you? Who do you want to be? Notice when you fall back into the who I should be from that place of obligation. And this is something that will slow your nervous system down. It'll bring back consciousness into your mind and reconnect you to yourself and your desires. And it reminds you that you're more than what you do. This could be writing down ideas, just trying them on, kinda like you're trying on a jacket. You could go for a walk in silence, yep, without listening to this podcast, or a book or music You could create something without sharing it, without bragging about it, without putting it out there to look for approval. Maybe it's you want to sit down and pray or meditate or reflect. Maybe you just want to flow like sort of yoga style. Play with your possibilities of what you really want. Who do you want to be? Another client who was a senior leader and she told me, everyone knows who I am at work. Everyone needs me at home. But I don't know where I go in all of this. We didn't start with a purpose. We started with what is it she enjoyed. Five minutes a day doing something she enjoyed and learning not to feel guilty about it and not feel the need to justify what she did or prove it to somebody that she earned it or deserved it. And at first the guilt was still there, and then the resentment lessened, and then there was just relief and joy in those moments. And she slowly remembered what it is she enjoyed. Not the role, not the accomplishment, but the person she is. Here's something I want to say to you very clearly. You don't need to earn access to yourself You don't need to get permission. You don't need justification. You don't need to optimize or organize it all. Your identity is not a reward for productivity. When you allow yourself to exist outside of these roles or some duty you feel, something powerful happens, you become more present as a mom, you become more grounded as a leader What you're doing is not coming of a from a place of obligation, but from a place of alignment and groundedness in who you are. It's not because you're trying harder. If you're wondering who you are beyond being a mom and a leader, here's your takeaway today. She's still in there. You've just been Quieting that voice in your mind from all the responsibility, all the thousands of things that you juggle every day, you've dampened that voice away. So start small, create that space to hear your voice, to find what feels grounded for who you want to be, not who you feel like you should be. Your identity, it doesn't need to be found. It needs to be remembered. It's within you. You just need to be open to letting yourself connect with it and drop the guilt. You're always allowed to be yourself. That's who you are. If this resonates with you and you want more, check out courage. thschool of courage dot com to learn more about my monthly membership That dives in deep to these topics about ending guilt, ending overwhelm, and living the life that you're capable of With that, I wish everybody an amazing week, and I hope your holidays have been restoring and you've gotten to connect with people you love in your life. Take care, everybody.