44 Working through the latest DEI changes

You are listening to the Great Leader Great Mom podcast, episode 44 I'm your host, Liz Jolly, founder of the School of Courage. I'm an engineer, turn life coach, because I saw the need for more courage in my own life as a mom and wanting to be a great leader. I use the skills we cover every day in my own life and I am so passionate about. Teaching them to you so you can unlock your own potential. I've been hearing from people about their frustration and their anger with the changes when it comes to DENI. And so I wanted to break this down Clearly, so we can all find our way back to love and peace and not contribute to the problem And so first let's start with breaking down some of the thoughts that are coming up when people hear of the changes related to DE and I. And this could be on like the United States type scale, it could be in the company you work for, it could be the words people say in relation to this. And really it could be any topic. um where there's polarity on both sides. But so let's break this down. Uh if the circumstance, which is the fact that everyone would agree on is people's ideas about D E and I and their thought is well they're just full of hate, right? Like they're thinking that about the other side. Then thinking that they're full of hate creates judgment for us thinking it. And maybe it's fear or resentment or anger. But from those emotions, like especially from the feeling of judgment, we take the action of we're criticizing This other side. We're talking about how wrong they are. We're not going and asking questions and learning more about where they're coming from. We are not full of love. We are full of judgment And we become full of hate for them. And so we've become what we criticize them for. So another example of a thought that comes up when people talk about other people's ideas on DEI is, well, they just don't get it. Okay, so if you're thinking they just don't get it. Then the result you get is you just don't get them. And you're just as judgy as them. And so you can see if you think that they don't get it, you're filled with resistance to going and learning from them. You're judging them and really having this attitude of like, I'm right, they're wrong, idiots, you know, and we end up as what we are criticizing them for. And so have you ever really asked the other person, why do you think what you do, because I don't understand. Um, or you can go to them and say, tell me about why you think DEI is not useful. If you go to someone from a place of curiosity and you're asking them because you really want to know Then you're moving away from being the judgy person full of hate. You are becoming the person that you want more in the world, one that is full of love and care for other people. And so often we don't go and ask other people that are on the other side because we don't want to hear it. We're afraid of the conversation. We're afraid of the conflict. We're afraid of just the judgment of what they're gonna judge of our thoughts. And so we accuse them of being fearful and yet we're being fearful. So it makes perfect sense why they don't want to come talk to us, maybe on the other side, and you don't want to go talk to them. So have compassion and understand that it makes perfect sense as to why people aren't stopping and understanding your opinion and why you're not doing it on the other side. And the truth is we are all humans and we have limited information that we use to make decisions, especially about these really big societal issues. We just label them of like that is good or bad. If they think this, it's bad. If they think this, this is good or right or wrong, you know, like we are very quick to put huge labels on things. And We're all trying to figure out the best way. And I think with DENI, like any issue, there is gonna be things that are good about it, there's gonna be things that are bad about it. Like Every single thing out there, any solution, any program will have benefits and will also have shortcomings and challenges and problems. Like it's trade-offs. Nothing is ever perfect. And every time we judge someone else of doing it wrong, it hurts us. We're doing it wrong because we're not being filled with our best self, which is full of love and care and more connection across people. And the reality is we all want the same thing, very likely. We all want to live in a world where there is more love, where there is more connection, where humans are kind. Um and so often we want someone else to understand us, but we don't go and seek to understand them. And we get mad about the fact that we think they're wrong. And you can hear it on both sides of the matter where you hear people like look in the political landscape now where we're like, well, they're brainwashed. Like, right? Both sides think the other's brainwashed. And both sides call each other ignorant or selfish or fearful. And it's all toxic. Let's get real, right? It's all toxic. And we can either contribute to being more toxic or escalating the conflict, or we can do the opposite and fall into a place of love and care and kindness for the world because that's what we need. More curiosity and meeting people where they're at. Like we need to take the time and love and care about one another. Be kind. Like all those t-shirts that say be kind. So we can either participate in the toxicity or not. We can step back and we can think, you know what? Whatever they're thinking makes perfect sense to them. I just don't know it yet. I've never asked. And so I'm making judgments. about where they're coming from. And we I mean, I can tell you personally, I don't want to fall into the place of judgment and fear. And it's so hard in the world we live in today because we're surrounded by just the polarization of things. We live in a world like where the media, social, and just like the news is full of these polarizing views and it makes it hard because it silos us into these echo chambers, but It's on us to seek both sides of perspectives, to understand where the other side is coming from. And do it in a way that's thoughtful. Like don't just jump into the extremities because I mean, wow, that could really take you down. But but thoughtfully choose other sides and other people that you care about to connect with and understand where are they coming from. Again, how does it make perfect sense that they're thinking that If you can step into someone's shoes and really understand where they're coming from, even if they're coming from a place of fear, which doesn't make sense to you, or even if they're coming from a place of Um, or of selfishness. Like maybe find your way back to why did why does that still make sense to them? Seek to understand. And there are always pros and cons to everything. Come from a place of love. If you go and talk to somebody and you have an agenda, it's very obvious. So don't do that. Have the conversation with someone With the pure purpose of understanding and you have to clean up your brain for sure before you go in. Like go back to those thoughts in the beginning and find your way back to This is a human that's on this journey of life and I care about them and I want to understand where they're coming from so I'm not a judgy person. We all truly want to be included. We all want equal opportunities to participate in things. We want to belong. We're here to Feel connected. And so I love the phrase from Berney Brown that says, people are hard to hate up close, move closer. And I think about that all the time. The other thing I always think about is this poem we read in high school, like we're talking back in the 90s, and it's by Thomas Hardy and it's called The Man He Killed. And um I'll read you it. It's very short It says, Had he and I but met by some old ancient inn, we should have sat us down to wet right many a nimberkin. But ranged as infantry and staring face to face, I shot at him and he at me, and killed him in his place I shot him dead because because he was my foe. Just so my foe, of course he was. That's clear enough. Although He thought he'd enlist, perhaps, off hand just just like I was out of work, had sold his traps, no other reason why Yes, quaint and curious war is you shoot a fellow down, you'd treat him if we met where any bar is, or help to half a crown. And in general what it is saying is in this war where they were in, probably coming from the same place of no work You join the military and you shoot at people who are labeled as your enemy on the other side and he shot this man dead. But had they met in the bar, like they would have had a drink and talked and laughed and had a merry time. And So often we find ourselves in this war against people on quote unquote the other side, and we've labeled someone as the enemy and yet had we sat down with them and we found out that maybe their mom is sick like ours or their child is struggling in school like ours or that they're just on this human journey And we would be filled with compassion because people are hard to hate up close. So find your way back in this journey of life when you see other people and you find yourself judging them to think How are they just like me? Like they're struggling in life or they have something going on and how are we connected? Because deep down we're all humans. And also I would encourage you to don't oversimplify things. Let it all be complicated and dynamic. We get stuck into these simple phrases, and you see this in the media of like Very simplified, very linear, and life is not like that. Life is nuanced. It is complicated. Be willing to understand the nuance of things. And don't Go to the extremes and get lost and sucked in and like you've lost touch with the world and your own self. Um, but know that everybody is allowed their own interpretations. And get clear for yourself on what matters to you. What kind of human do you want to be? How do you want to show up? How could you Find yourself back to love and the world, I know we would all agree, needs more love, more kindness, not more hate. And hate is only felt by us. So if you choose to hate other people, they don't ever know you are the one that experiences hate. If you want to know more on that subject, go back to my episode called Love and just dig into it. So this week, if you're struggling with your own judgment and you're really caught up in it and you want more help. Reach out, go to LizJolly. com and connect with me. We can work through this. If you enjoyed this podcast or any podcast, write a comment because your episode comments really help others like you find their way to this podcast. Also sign up for my free end overwhelm workshop. The details are below and it'll be recorded. So if you register, you can watch it later, even if you miss the actual live workshop. Have an amazing week. I think about you all so much, and may you just be filled with kindness and love this week. See you next time.